Someone asked me the other day “where are your blog posts girl?!” and as I listed off several excuses, I said “I mean, I’ve still been writing, just not anything blog post worthy”

– cue self talk-

“Seriously, what on earth does that even mean Christine?? “blog post worthy” That’s not why you started writing. You said when you started this blog that you would be happy if each post only impacted just one person. When did you get off track and begin worrying if enough people would like it??” *face palm*

side note: I KNOW I can’t be the only person who talks to myself like this, right?

So I’m going back in time a bit to share something I wrote and previously deemed “unworthy.” I hope it touches someone, somewhere ♥

Journal Entry from Aug 4, 2018

Over the last week, my conviction has been growing and my soul aches to reconnect with God. I’ve been keeping myself busy, avoiding being still. Knowing it will bring a flood of emotions that I’m not sure I’m ready for. But here I am now. Quiet.

Over a week ago, I pulled down a box I’ve been keeping letters in. Special notes from the girls, but most importantly notes I’ve written to myself. I decided when I first moved into my apartment in Oct 2016 that I would write myself letters to read later on and I would number them. I opened and read the first letter written on Oct 26, 2016:

Christine,

This letter is for you. I’ve been through a lot this year, too much to fit in one letter, but of course you know this.

               I’ve just moved into my new apartment and the girls are with their dad. While organizing my stuff in my room – books to be exact – a thought struck me “I should write letters to myself; whether its daily, weekly, monthly, randomly… It has occurred to me on several occasions that I have SO MANY thoughts, realizations, feelings every day and next week I can hardly remember them. These letters are for you, well me.

               Lately, I feel free, empowered, motivated by the Holy Spirit. I can’t shake the sense that God will work through me to help other women. It humbles me to think of what a powerful role God has played in getting me to where I am today. My strength came and continues to flow from Him. He started and fanned the fire in my soul that had been burned out or covered for so long. My hope is that when you read these letters, God has taken you, us, to a much bigger placed where His glory and victories can shine. If these letters come to you in a time of pain, doubt, struggle, sadness – remember all that we have been through and how God has not failed us once, not even once, nor will He fail us when we seek Him above all else.

Q: are you seeking the Lord with all your heart, above all else?

Scripture: “God is within her, she will not fall” Psalm 46:5

As I read this letter from myself almost 2 years ago, I am in tears. God knew when I wrote those words to myself 1 year and 10 months ago that I would need them on this exact day, August 4, 2018. I have come so far, yet there is still so much healing that my heart and soul yearn for. I’ve been running from it, fearful of going through any more pain than I have already experienced. But I must remember, the pain of healing is far different from the pains of abuse, which yielded nothing positive. The pain of healing will bring a greater sense of joy and wholeness I’ve never known.

Lord help me. Help me to reconnect and stay connected with you. To refocus and seek you above anything and anyone else. Amen