Today I slept in without guilt. I cleaned my house in my pajamas, hair a mess, while simultaneously dancing and singing at the top of my lungs. I took a 2 hour nap with my cat. I ate dinner outside and people watched. And now I write.
Perhaps this sounds magical; you imagine some scene from a movie where I’m singing into a brush, with cute messy hair, and sliding around in my socks. First off, I have carpets, so part of that is not even possible; and my hair was FAR from a cute, tutorial-worthy, messy bun. My recharge day did not come without an internal battle. If I’m honest with myself, sometimes – no, most the time – it’s hard to be home without my girls. My “off” weekends are often filled with back-to-back activities that keep me out of the house from morning until night. I find being home alone is a slight reminder of the unexpected life I’m leading. I don’t say that for sympathy or because I don’t recognize the amazing blessings that God has created out of the unexpected; rather, I say it because I think it’s important to paint the full picture; to share the victories and the struggles. If I were to make it seem like these kid free weekends, brought on in this divorce process, were a parent’s dream come true, not only would I be lying, but I would be doing a disservice to many others in similar circumstances.
Full Disclosure: the photo used for this post and the very first paragraph above, started as an Instagram post in which I was going to encourage others to take time to be still and recharge. In those moments of taking a portrait mode photo at just the right angle, finding the perfect filter and stringing together insightful words, God spoke to me Christine, why are you leaving out the struggle that came with today? There are others that need to hear how I am helping you.
Social Media photos, perfectly chosen quotes, or well worded insights can make it easy to forget that behind it all, people are still facing struggles. That’s not to say people are intentionally trying to paint a picture of a perfect life. Do I expect you to necessarily post all your problems for everyone to see on social media? Heck no. That’s not even appropriate. But I think it’s important to find an appropriate way to share some struggles we’re experiencing or have experienced. It humanizes us and let’s others know that they are not alone. Vulnerability invites vulnerability; and when we cast light on our struggles, we’re taking an important step towards healing and growing. We uncover lies and discover truths. We receive guidance and wisdom. We experience grace and redemption. Every time I bring my struggles to light in a safe space, and process them with trusted, God-loving people, I have not regretted it. Is sharing and working through those struggles hard? Heck yes. But God has proven time and time again, that with Him on my team, I can do hard. And my dearest friend, so can you.
So today, I made a hard choice to stop the busy and allowed myself the intentional space to just be. Without guilt. Without the pressure of a schedule. Without expectations of others. Just me and God. . . and of course, my cat. I allowed myself the space to process and face this particular struggle that I’ve been facing the last 2 years. I made the choice to give myself grace (another struggle we’ll have to touch on another day). I must constantly remind myself that I am still healing and growing; and while it took some time to give myself the space, I’m thankful for the reckless love of God and His relentless pursuit of my heart.
In searching for scriptures on stillness, I came across Isaiah chapter 41, verses 10-13 (ESV) which says this:
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Behold, all who are incensed against you shall be put to shame and confounded; those who strive against you shall be as nothing and shall perish. You shall seek those who contend with you, but you shall not find them; those who war against you shall be as nothing at all. For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”
Now I’m sure you’re thinking, what on EARTH does this have to do with being still? Stick with me, because at first, I thought the same. Consider this part of the verse: “Those who strive against you shall be as nothing and shall perish. . . Those who war against you shall be as nothing at all.” After reading this and the entire verse several times God said to me Christine, your inner thoughts and fears are not in alignment with my truth; they are working against you, but they will not win. Take my hand; I will provide you with the strength and help you need to resist the busy, face your fears and rest in my love. Do not be afraid to rest with me, I am the one who brings healing.
How often do we stop long enough to consider that sometimes WE are the very ones striving against ourselves? It’s not other people or the circumstances we are in; rather, our own fears, inner thoughts and habits are what’s causing turmoil within ourselves and struggles within our lives. Let us bring those thoughts and fears before God and lay them down. Let us sink into His word and allow Him to speak life into us, that we may learn, heal, and grow deeper than we could ever imagine. As I write out these words, I know they are not my own; for the very message I am sharing with you, is one that I myself need to hear and be reminded of constantly.
Dear Friend, I leave you with this prayer I myself have said, and I hope you will too:
Heavenly Father, I pray that I would be open to receiving your help in laying my struggles down before you. Help me to quiet my heart and mind so that I can hear your gentle and loving whispers. Help me to create the space I need to heal and grow deeper in relationship with you. Lord, I praise you for your goodness and thank you for relentlessly pursuing me, no matter the direction I am running. Thank you for always having an outstretched hand to lift me up when I have fallen. Amen.
It is always my prayer and hope that in sharing these words, God will speak to and stir something within you. My challenge to you is this: Journal about whatever came up for you while reading this. When we put our thoughts on paper (or in my case, in a word document), it brings a whole new light to them and helps us process. Take it step further by sharing and processing it with a trusted friend, counselor, pastor, or mentor.
In full disclosure and with much love,
Christine
