Hello Friend 🙂  It’s my hope that if you are in a season of persevering and read Part I of this, that you’ve begun taking steps towards learning God’s character and choosing joy. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I encourage you to back and read In the Midst of it All – Part I 😉

I’d like for you to read it before reading below so you can get the full effect and understanding; however, if you’re a “go against the flow” kinda person and read this first, that’s OK too, I’m just delighted and humbled you chose to make time to read these words ♥

We’re talking about persevering here – pressing on despite difficulties or delays in success. Making the choice to keep going, no matter the speed, when all seems lost. I won’t claim to be an expert, but I feel in the depths of my heart it’s only right to share what helped me thrive in the rough seasons of my life. In Part I, I shared with you some of my experiences with domestic violence, homelessness, and divorce and the valuable tools I discovered that pulled me through those storms. Below, I will continue to share what has helped me, in hopes that it will offer some insight, encouragement, or guidance to a friend in need. (check out Part I for valuable tools 1 & 2)

3. Get Connected

 Connect: Form a relationship or feel an affinity, Link to a power supply

I love that both of these fall under the definition for “Connect.” For me, forming healthy relationships has given me access to tap into a power supply that hadn’t existed for me in quite some time. Perhaps you haven’t had this in a while either, or ever. Maybe you’ve been hurt by someone you thought was a friend and have trust issue (<- this was me), or you don’t know where to find “good” friends, or maybe you’re introverted/shy/socially awkward so the opportunities are avoided. Whatever the reason, if you are in a difficult season of life, nothing makes it more bearable, joyful even, than finding yourself some solid souls to connect with. Where did I finally find my connections? Church. To put it bluntly, I never imagined that I would be friends with “church people”, or at least my IDEA of what they were like. They couldn’t possibly have the same interests as me and were definitely, probably boring, goody-two-shoe people who would be appalled by a woman who likes margaritas, hip hop music, dancing, and swears on occasion. I’ve come a long way in my thought process (thank goodness!) and the swearing has gotten MUCH better, most days. Anyways, connections didn’t happen right away for me, it took time – time for me to soften my heart, let go of my prejudices, step out of my comfort zone,  and be willing to let the right people into my emotional space. I started serving on Sundays (shout out to Team Orange!) and eventually joined what my church calls Connect Groups (aka small groups or bible study). These two choices, plus my willingness to open up my heart again, changed the trajectory of my life. Especially Connect Groups. I know that sounds dramatic, but it’s oh so true. My first Connect Group was a couples connect group in 2014. A few connections lead to a few more, I moved around to new connect groups as my seasons of life changed, and before I knew it, I had found myself a family away from family. My current group, a women’s group called Propel (shout out to Christine Caine, maybe she’ll read this?!), has been the BIGGEST blessing. This experience has produced the richest friendships with people who genuinely care and know my life and vice versa. They know my girls and love them. They love us. And we love them.

When life began spiraling out of control, they surrounded me.

When I questioned my own decisions, they counseled me.

When financial hardships hit, they helped support me.

When my kids struggled from the separation and I struggled to have patience, they stepped in, without judgement, and showered us with grace and love.

They embrace me time and time again when I am in tears.

When I feel weak, they reminded me where my strength comes from.

They speak truth and encouragement to me.

We do life together. Not just the fun stuff like dinners, play dates, shopping, etc.. We do ALL parts of life together. We see the mess – literally and emotionally. We cry, laugh, vent frustrations, lovingly correct each other, encourage, complain, and share dreams and fears. We go below the surface where authenticity, vulnerability, and transparency dwell. It’s a pure gift from God. In connecting with them, I’ve plugged into a source that God’s love and power surges through. Is God the ultimate source? Without a doubt. But I wholeheartedly believe that God uses carefully chosen friends to speak to us, heal us, comfort us, and encourage us, especially in seasons such as this.

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another,

God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.

1 John 4:12

 

4. Focus Outward

In today’s culture, not only is it easy to become self absorbed, often times it is encouraged. Direct and subliminal messages send signals that you should use your gifts and talents for self preservation, interests, happiness, needs, wants, etc.. But you were not designed that way; whether you realize it or not, there is a space in your heart that can only be filled to satisfaction through serving others. 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV) says this:

 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

It’s pretty straight forward and seemingly simple – use your talent and/or passion to help others. But what about when your life is in shambles and you feel like you can hardly even help yourself; even then we are supposed to do this? Yes. If you read the full passage, you’ll find there is no “out” or exception provided. Through all seasons, we are called to serve and be faithful stewards (managers) of God’s grace; His undeserved favor. This can be so hard, it was for me; however, it’s been such an important tool in my season of persevering.

Being a single mom to 2 energetic girls while managing a full time job, numerous court dates, doctor appointments, fiances, and household logistics left me one busy woman. I was in super drive all the time and super focused on checking off my own “to-do” lists. If I decided to pause it was likely only for a moment and to share my woes with someone willing to listen. One day I hired a sitter so that I could get out of the house for a few hours to answer emails, work on my budget and grocery shop in peace.  For “some reason”, when I left my house I found myself struggling internally on which task I should tackle first. I chose emails and budget, mostly because I wanted coffee and I could do those things simultaneously 🙂 I had scarcely settled into the coffee shop, opened up my lap top, and put my headphones on before an acquaintance popped into my view to say hello. She apologized for the interruption but promptly sat down at my table. She looked upset. The ideal first thought to this would be something like oh my goodness, what’s wrong?! but honestly, that’s not where my mind went first. I checked the clock – 30 mins of my precious 2 free hours was already gone and I’d accomplished nothing on my list. I was inward focused, too consumed with myself to realize the opportunity that was in front of me. Words poured out from her heart, and tears from her eyes as she dove into her story of heartbreak, which closely paralleled my own. As I began to see myself in this woman, God began to soften and slow my busy heart. I forgot about my list and my own problems and began listening to and focusing on her. I knew how she felt and my heart ached for her. She was searching for the same love, comfort and support that I had been seeking when trying to navigate the downfall of my marriage. We talked for over an hour and I didn’t accomplish any of my own plans, but I did accomplish HIS plan. I began to realize that while to do lists were not unhealthy, not pausing or being able to focus on others was. This was one of the first days that I realized my experiences could help others; my perspective shifted as I realized I was not alone in the battles I had fought and were still fighting. Over the 2 years since that coffee shop conversation, I’ve had numerous experience similar to it, thankfully with a better heart response. I no longer feel interrupted, but blessed that I am being given the opportunity to hear and help women. I continue to be amazed at how God has work in me and brought me to where I am today: a place where I’m more willing to embrace my gift of writing and use it to help and comfort others. 2 Corinthians 1:4 (GNT) says this:

He helps us in all our troubles, so that we are able to help others who have all kinds of troubles, using the same help that we ourselves have received from God.

This verse helps me find meaning in my past and shifts my perspective on new experiences. I am reminded in this season of perseverance that He helps me so that I can be a reflection of His help to others. Rachel Hollis (Author of Girl Wash Your Face) said something I just LOVE in her new documentary movie Made For More that I have embraced along with the above scripture. She says that she doesn’t believe that everything happens for a reason (suicide, cancer, divorce, abuse), but that we can find meaning in everything that happens. oh my gosh, YES! Dear friend, this season that we are in right now, it’s not for nothing! It can be difficult at times to remember this, so I’m here to remind you of the bigger picture and to push you to keep going. DON’T STOP! Go slow if you have to but press on all the same. There is meaning in all of this and if you chose to embrace your gifts and use them to serve others in the same way others have served you, you too will find joy and light in the midst of your storm.

Sweet Friend, persevering can be about more than just surviving. You can thrive. No where does it say you have to wait for the storm to pass to be great or pursue your passion, goals, and dreams. Perhaps that’s the storm’s angle: to stop you, to coax you into  boarding up your windows, shutting people out and hunkering down in fear.

I’m here to tell you – DON’T DO THAT!

Don’t let the storm be a weapon that knocks you out; instead, mold it into a tool that will help propel you into your purpose. Will you fall down? Yes, without a doubt. Can you get back up? Also, yes. These tools I’ve shared with you have been instrumental in pulling me back up time and time again. If you find yourself down right now, I hope one of these will help you to get back up and if you’re not down, it’s my hope these can be instrumental in preparing you for storms in the future.

Come on friend, we are warriors, let us persevere and kick these storms in the butt!

Sincerely,

Storm Ninja